心情 【奇怪的外网瓜】老婆想要“自由一回”

[哥特的亡零]

5 小时前，hyphakinshi说道:

第二次更新

I received a ton of advice that I couldn't possibly respond to. I do appreciate the people who took time to offer advice in the comments or via PM. It has been an exhausting couple of days.

收到了好多建议，回复不完了。感谢你们抽出时间在评论和私信里给我支招。这两天确实太累人了。

 

I was hoping that my opposition to her plans would give her pause, but unfortunately that did not happen. I said I am a hard no, and I am not sure how I will feel about you, if you go ahead with it. I was met once again with “this is for me, it will be one time, what can I say to help you deal with it, you’ll get over it, we were meant to be regardless of the situation” remarks leading up to Saturday.

我原本还希望她会在我的反对下暂缓此事，但她并没有。我表示我坚决反对，并且如果她去了的话，以后对她的看法都会改变。她的回答还是“这是我想做的事，反正也就这一次，我会陪着你让你想开的，无论如何我们都是命中注定”，一直持续到了周六。

 

She left Saturday, ostensibly to meet her coworkers, but in reality fuck the guy. I asked her to text me when she was leaving for the bar and when she did I asked her if she was really going to go through with this. After her response “I am not answering anymore questions tonight, I will see you tomorrow.” I blocked my wife. Then I did something either stupid or brilliant.

她周六出发了，明面上是说要去送同事，实际上是要去打炮。我让她出门的时候给我发个消息，并在她回我的时候最后跟她确认了一次是不是真的要这样做。她回我说“今晚我不会再回答你了，明天见。”我拉黑了我老婆，然后做了一件可能很聪明，也可能很蠢的事。

 

I went to the bar where the get-together was happening. Well not the bar but a transit bench across the street. I waited for a long time. It was running through my mind the leading up to this event, that I need to know who this guy was, maybe to compare myself against him. To see what he had that I do not. It was driving me crazy not knowing who he was and what was so special about him that she would ruin a marriage for.

我去了送行会举办的酒吧。没有进去，只是坐在街对面的长椅上。我等了好久。在此之前，我脑海里一直有一个念头，我要看看这人是谁，可能还想把自己和他对比一下，看他有什么我不具备的特性，能吸引到我的老婆，让她情愿毁掉这场婚姻。

 

After what seemed like eternity, a woman that I recognized from my wife’s office left the bar and got in a cab. Soon other people started filing out and a whole group came out and people were hugging a man and shaking his hand. I assumed that I had my guy. I didn’t see my wife and had a brief thought that maybe she called it all off. I unblocked her and there were no messages.

等了好久之后，我看见我老婆的一个女同事走出了酒吧，坐上了出租车。很快，其他人也开始走了出来，一群人围绕着一个男的，跟他握手。我觉得这就是他了。我并没有看到我老婆，心里还庆幸了一会，觉得她可能还是放弃了，于是我取消了拉黑，但她这段时间并没有跟我联系。

 

Everyone said their goodbyes and left, dude was standing outside for a few minutes and then my wife came out. She looked around, took his hand and started walking away together. Of all the emotions I went through, trepidation, sadness, anger, it was disgust that really encapsulated the event for me. This guy was short, fat, and bald, all the things I cannot compete with. Ultimately, I felt like a pervert for watching from a distance. I followed until they got to the hotel, and then turned around and went home.

等大家都走了，这人站在街上等了一会，然后我老婆也出来了。她环顾四周，牵起他的手，两人就这么一起走了。我心里五味杂陈，惶恐、悲伤、愤怒，最后占上风的是厌恶。那个人又矮又胖又秃头，都是我没有的优点。最后我自觉自己的偷窥行为有点变态，跟着他们到了宾馆，看着他俩走了进去，然后就回家了。

 

I woke up Sunday morning and put a lock on the master bedroom door. I moved her things to the spare room and left a note asking her to find other accommodations as quickly as possible. I visited another friend who is a lawyer and he gave me some sage advice and a couple of recommendations for divorce attorneys and made the introductions. My wife had been calling me numerous time since around 11 or so. Once blocked the calls go to voicemail. I listened to the first couple but felt nothing but some satisfaction when she couldn’t get through to me and she was obviously becoming concerned.

第二天周日，我早起之后把卧室门锁上了。我把她的东西都拿到了客房里，写了一张纸条让她尽快找别的地方去住。我去建了个律师朋友，他给了我一些很明智的建议，还给我介绍了几个离婚律师。从11点开始我老婆就一直再给我打电话。我屏蔽了之后，她就只能留言了。（国外电话打不通的话可以留言。）我听了前几条留言，听到她联系不上我开始担心，心里却只有满足。

 

I didn’t want to go home but I left in such a hurry that I didn’t plan an overnight properly. I got home around 9 and as per my buddy’s advice, I recorded the interaction. I was halfway up the stairs when she came up from the family room asking what was going on? Could we talk? I thought we talked about this? I just answered with I am not interested in discussing this tonight and went to bed. After not getting a response from me through the door she left me alone. I feel kind of like a child for not talking with her and shutting the door on her but I just couldn't look at her. Monday I got up and ready for work, she was waiting for me and asked if we could discuss getting back to normal. I said, you have been doing all the talking for the both of us for the last week, why don’t you continue and left for work. I have an appointment with the attorneys my friend recommended for this week.

我不想回家，但我出门太着急，没计划好过夜行程，于是只能回家。我9点到的家，并且按照我朋友的建议，把我和老婆的互动都录了下来。我上楼上到一半，她从客厅跑过来问我怎么回事，想要好好谈谈，还说“这事不是已经聊过了吗？”我说：“今晚我不会再回答你了，明天见。”然后就上床睡觉去了。她在我门口问了好久，我都没理她。我感觉自己这样关门生闷气有点幼稚，但我真的没办法直视她了。第二天周一，我起床准备上班，她在外面等着我，问我能不能讨论下要怎样回到日常状态。我说，上星期一直都是你在讲，要么你接着讲呗？然后我就去上班了。这周我和朋友推荐的离婚律师约好了见面。

 

TLDR: She went ahead with it. I am actually more disgusted by who she chose than the sex itself, if that makes any sense. I asked her to find somewhere else to live.
总结：她还是去做了。最恶心我的不是她的行为，而是她的对象。我把她赶出了家里。

 

Top Comment from u/RJPONY01 热评

I can only hope that you've decided to do what's best for you. At the end of the day you're the one that has to live with your decisions. From your previous post it's obvious that your wife, and I use that term merely as a placeholder, has made her decision.
I know that having something that has been such a huge part of your life end can be daunting, but sometimes it's for the best.
我希望你能做出对你最好的选择。最终还是得你自己承担自己选择的后果。从你之前的帖子看，你老婆明显已经做好她的选择了。
我知道舍弃自己人生中的这么大一部分很难，但有时这才是最优解。

 

Potential Waywards & The BFF - 2nd August 2023 另外开帖的评论

The BFF does not have your best interests in mind. The BFF wants to validate their bad choices by encouraging you to make the same ones. The BFF lives for the drama they help create. The BFF is titillated by the details. The BFF cultivates misery. The BFF is a narcissist, who cant help themselves, so if the statement, JUST GO FOR IT, YOU DESERVE IT, HE DOESN’T APPRECIATE YOU, HE DOESN’T RESPECT YOU, and in my case, YOU FACED YOUR OWN MORTALITY AND YOU SHOULDN’T LET ANYONE HOLD YOU BACK FROM DOING THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY, maybe realize that you should talk with your significant other and explain what you are feeling. You owe it to them to discuss the way you’re feeling about yourself, your partner and your marriage.

她闺蜜根本就没在考虑你。她肯定是想让你也做错事，好为她自己做的错事找借口。她就是想把水搅浑，就是想搞八卦，就是想让你们受苦。她就是个毫不自知的自私鬼。如果她和你老婆说什么“尽管去做，你有权这样做，他不理解你，他不尊重你，‘你差点都死了，别再让别人束缚你了，尽管去做想做的事情吧’（最后这一句是我老婆闺蜜和我老婆说的）”，最好还是和你老婆解释一下你自己的想法，这对你和你们的婚姻都很重要。

 

Comments from OOP 原楼主回复

Yeah, once the dust settled I realized that I was desperate to hold on to something that no longer existed. I have initiated divorce proceedings.
最后我发现，我想要挽回的那段感情早已不存在了。我已经开始离婚程序了。

She has regret. Not remorse. Of course those are different things with different meanings. She regrets what has happened because her life is upside down now.
她后悔了，但还是没觉得自己错了。她后悔只是因为自己的生活被搅乱了。

Someone in a private message asked if her cancer could be back and spread to her brain which I don't know if it has actually happened or not, but I doubt it would make any difference to me at this point. I just don't see her the same way any more.
有人私聊我，问有没有可能癌症复发影响到她脑子了。我不知道有没有这回事，但事已至此也无所谓了。我对她的看法已经变了。

I told all her friends husbands about how they enabled this behavior and the fall-out is interesting.
我跟她的朋友们的老公都说了这个事，跟他们说了他们的老婆们是如何支持我老婆这样做的，还引发了一些蛮有意思的冲突。

I said that maybe they are covering for one another, that maybe my wife was just the next link in the chain. This got them going through their wives phones. A couple found inappropriate sexting. All husbands have made their wives cut off my wife (and each other).
我说有可能她们在互相掩护，可能我老婆是被她们拖下水的。于是他们开始翻自己老婆的手机，好几个人都找到了暧昧短信。他们都让自己的老婆和我老婆（以及互相之间）掐断了联系。

Was BFF one of those sexting?  你老婆的闺蜜也在发暧昧短信吗？

Of course. The BFF's husband says that she was definitely in a EA and probably a PA as well. He is still digging.
肯定的。我老婆闺蜜的老公说她肯定线上出轨了，搞不好线下也出轨了。他还在调查。

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